Searching for Peace - Part 5
I remember looking in the Yellow pages trying to find some kind of counselor. I figured that just maybe I could find one that could help me with all of my problems and solve the guilt predicament for me. I chose one who had an appealing ad and called and made an appointment to see her the next day. Her name was Wendy and she was a licensed Marriage and Family Counselor. What I didn’t know was that she was a full-fledged New Age practitioner. At that time I had no idea what the term “New Age religion” meant anyway so I would have never known that it was anti-Christian.
Upon meeting Wendy, she sympathized with me immediately and told me that “I had a right to be happy”. She took my side, (and my money too of course) and tried making me feel better about my situation. She would tell me whatever I needed to hear as long as she could get her nice fat fee. She told me how fortunate I was to have come at that time as she was soon hosting a 4-day seminar called “The Renaissance Experience Workshop” and that this workshop would transform my life and change me forever! The cost was “only” $800.00 for all four days and she assured me that this would be just what I needed to be at peace and to succeed in life. Amazingly, I agreed to sign up for it and forked over the 800.00 to her. OUCH!
Turns out it was the best money I ever spent, but not because of her or her seminar. No, the seminar was a mixture of New Age type psychology methods and witchcraft. I didn’t know that though when I was there, but God protected me throughout it. Here is the description of the seminar:
“Wendy (last name withheld), MFT has been conducting this workshop since 1984. Many hundreds of people have participated in small groups where in depth work really can be done. This is the workshop that reaches deep within the core of you and gives back to you who you REALLY ARE. The joy and awe of this workshop is difficult to describe. It can transcend your most stubborn attitudes and patterns. It can open the eyes of those who cannot see the love, joy, hope, goodness, talent, creativity, and strength they have within themselves. It moves beyond the arrogance and stubbornness of the ego. It deals in a make sense way with your subconscious self-defeating patterns of behavior–the hidden and impossible-to-get-to demons that have controlled your life against your will for years. You will become more conscious than you have ever been. You will have more positive and creative choices in your life than you have ever had. You will change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors you have always wished you could change. This is why the workshop is called The Renaissance Experience. It can be YOUR reawakening.
This type of hype sounds real good to a hurting person. It certainly appeals to many people who are looking for a way to have some peace in their life. Eight people in total attended the seminar and we each paid $800.00. That is $6400.00 for about 24 hours of total seminar time. Her helpers were unpaid volunteers so she had no real overhead at all so she made over $250.00 an hour during the seminar. That makes for a pretty good haul!
There were six women and two men including me that attended. I only was told the first names of the others and I have never heard from or seen any of these people since, though I wish I could find them to talk with them about it all now. There was of course Wendy, the director of it all and her two goons. These guys looked really weird and they spooked me big time when I first saw them. One looked like Gene Wilder and the other looked like Charles Manson.
We were ushered into a small, darkened room and read a list of rules that we had to agree to follow throughout the whole seminar. Some of the rules were: No talking except when spoken to, no discussing the seminar procedures outside of the seminar, no chewing gum, no smoking, etc. It was like we were in some kind of demonic boot camp. The whole time we were there Wendy played New Age music during the sessions. We went through a number of exercises that were designed to break down our inhibitions and our will. We were continually told about how important it was to keep the whole “Process of Transformation” a secret. We were not to share it with anyone ever.
One thing that was amazing to me was just how fast we opened up to each other during this seminar. We all were very hurting people and we seemed to bond very quickly. We were told not to hold back anything that was inside of us if we really wanted to be transformed. We were encouraged to let out our deepest frustrations and fears. We had to look into a mirror and talk to ourselves and confess our deepest, darkest secrets. I felt weird doing this as I shared things I never had told anyone else. It was through this process that my heart was actually opening up and I was encouraged to take a pillow and pretend it was the person or persons I was angry with and to pound the pillow. I yelled at the pillow and no one yelled back at me. I screamed at the pillow and cried and got really mad and it was okay as there was no one to fight with me. This was all very strange but when a person is desperate for inner peace you will do strange things sometimes.
On the third day we were told that we were now entering into the secret “transformation process”. Wendy stated she did not understand how the secret process really worked, but that it did work and that we need to relax and just let go. Well, that was setting off major alarms and red flags inside of me as I knew from past experience what happens when you just open up inside and let go. You get hurt that is what happens!
We gathered around Wendy and positioned our chairs in a semi-circle. The room was very dark and we listened to some soothing New Age music to loosen us up. Then we went into this ritual type process where the “transformation” was supposed to begin. Of course I had no idea what was going on and I was getting pretty scared as I didn’t like what was going on. It was extremely weird and spooky to me. I just sensed in my gut that something was terribly wrong.
Wendy told us that to be truly transformed we needed to open up to the Spirit of the Phoenix, which I later found out is a major symbol for New Agers. There was this large banner on the wall with a picture of the Phoenix bird dive-bombing into a pit of ashes. Here is a description of it below which I later found on a New Age web site:
THE PHOENIX - SYMBOL OF TRANSFORMATION FOR OUR TIMES
The phoenix is a fabulously beautiful bird from ancient mythology that builds a nest of aromatic boughs, sets it afire, is consumed, and then rises from the ashes and flies away to begin a whole new life. Ancient Chinese, Sumerian, Assyrian, Egyptian, Incan, and Aztec mythology all tell of this uniquely immortal bird. It is an archetypal symbol of transformation and rebirth that is deeply meaningful for our times. We are experiencing the chaos of rapid change at the end of a great cosmic cycle. Just like the phoenix, we are passing through the fire that destroys the old life and ways of doing things. Through this painful, confusing time, the phoenix reminds us that we, too, will be reborn from the ashes and ascend into a whole glorious new life cycle.
So this is what Wendy was pushing on us. It was a New Age, demonic counterfeit of being born again! Wendy told us that when it was our turn to receive the spirit and be reborn we would just know it and then we would come up to the front and receive our new life in the spirit. All eight of us sat there waiting for our turn. All of a sudden Jill leaps out of her chair and she is up with Wendy in front of the Phoenix bird banner. Wendy tells Jill she is to choose an “I AM” slogan now. There were 6 or 7 suggestions of what “I AM’S” we should could choose. Such as “ I AM LOVED”, “I AM HEALED”, “I AM FORGIVEN”, etc. Whatever “I AM” we chose would be a symbol of our new life. I think Jill chose “I AM LOVED”.
Next, Wendy starts saying some words over her and then Jill is instructed to close her eyes and open up to the “spirit”. Wendy is tapping on the very top of her head and then all of a sudden, BAM! Something hits her and she starts smiling and whirling around. She then starts jumping up and down and is apparently euphoric. She looks like she is on cloud 9! We are then told to connect our hands together and form a human cradle and rock her back and forth like a baby while she is in this state of bliss. Some special New Age lullaby music is playing in the background. Jill seems like she enjoying every minute of this but something about this is making me terrified inside. (end of Part 5)